How do you decide who stays and who goes? By noticing which friends claim to care about you, but actually bring you down. These are toxic friends, and no toxic friendships are good for your life. RELATED: You Don’t Lose Friends — You Just Find Out Who The REAL Ones Are Not sure whether your favorite buddy falls into that category?
Here are some tell-tale signs of a toxic friend you should get rid of quickly — and permanently.
1. You feel “some-timed.”
She’s only around when she’s single or dating multiple men and needs advice. But the minute she’s chained to one guy, you’ll only hear from her occasionally (like holidays and birthdays). Of course, you happily spend tons of time with a brand new boyfriend, but a true friend knows she needs to balance the new relationship and existing friendships in her life, too.
2. You’re tired of trying.
It takes two to keep a friendship going. Every time you make plans, she cancels on you or gives poor excuses for not showing up. We all get busy, but true friends respect your time and look forward to seeing you.
3. You start to despise her.
She started treating you like a second-class citizen when things took off nicely in her own life. Now she criticizes everything you do, say, or wear. She acts like she’s better than you. When this happens you might have to step up and give her a reality check. Sometimes friends need reminding that the both of you loved the silly goofy stuff she now scoffs at. Who knows, this might just reel her back in and she’ll really appreciate you for speaking up.
4. You don’t even get a chance to speak.
She takes over conversations with all her problems and you listen like the good friend you are. But when it’s your turn, she doesn’t listen to your stories or even responds back to your messages. We all get mentally stuck in our dilemmas but after the third or eighth vent session, a true friend would say, “Oh my god, I’ve only been talking about me, how is everything with you?”
5. You’re suspicious of her friendship.
Things are going really well for you and you’re ecstatic, but when she says, “I’m happy for you,” you feel a vibe like she’s lying (and possibly jealous). This vibe might be tricky to decipher. Maybe she isn’t jealous, maybe she’s just disappointed in her own life and that off vibe is creating the wrong impression. Be a good friend and double-check before you identify her as an enemy. But otherwise, true friends feel happy that you’re happy.
6. You’re keeping quiet.
You’re biting your tongue all the time with her because your last nerve is already shot. Friends don’t like hurting each other’s feelings, so you stay quiet about annoyances even though you feel like she doesn’t care. True friends notice these subtleties and will automatically reach out to find out what’s wrong with you. RELATED: 30 Quotes To Help You Cope When You Need To Break Up With A Toxic Friend
7. Your interests don’t match.
You start to wonder how the both of you became friends in the first place. She likes to party and you like to stay home. She doesn’t compromise when you try to hang out. You find yourself fake-smiling your way through the evening if you do agree to party with her. They say opposites attract in relationships… well, they attract in friendships also. You’ve had something in common or else the friendship wouldn’t have lasted all of these years. A genuine friend will remember that and might just flip through old photos books just to rekindle the good old days friendship spark with you.
8. You don’t trust her around your man.
The truth is, sometimes female “friends” are downright sneaky. You notice the slightly extra-flirty vibes she puts out and your man tries to pretend he doesn’t notice. A true friend does NOT flirt with your guy. They also 100 percent respect your wishes to not contact him or do anything to makes you feel uncomfortable around your boyfriend.
9. You never feel happy around her.
It’s one thing if you’re depressed or even sad from a broken heart but it’s another thing to have someone around you that drains you of positive energy. You only end up becoming depressed with her. Your friendship isn’t that great if she can’t face tough times with you (“fair-weather friend” much?). Some people can’t handle depression, but a real, supportive friend finds a way for you to get help.
10. You’re tired of babying her.
Okay, she’s an introvert, I get it. But how many times will you beg her to talk to you? It’s like trying to teach a baby to say “mama” for the first time. Entirely exhausting! No one enjoys coddling and pacifying their friends, and this is one of the signs of a toxic friend. Nobody is perfect. But the most genuine action a friend can take is to let you know that you’re being a baby and you need to put your grown-up woman drawers on. We all have moments of curling up like a little child, but if a friend values your relationship, she reaches out and communicates! Look, we all struggle to show up fully for others, so if you see the small efforts your friend makes to stay connected, then be open and receptive. You’ll be glad the friendship made it through its rough patch. But if it continues to make you feel bad, this is a toxic friendship. RELATED: It’s Not A REAL, Irreplaceable Friendship Without These 7 Qualities Stephanie M is a YourTango contributor.
