Dealing with men my whole life — 4 brothers, going to school with only guys, 3 sons plus hubby, and working in a male dominant industry — I can say for certain that men have different coping mechanisms when it comes to the emotional side of life. Women want to talk about their feelings and men want to push them away as far as they can. This goes back for thousands of years when the male/female roles were set up. Men were taught to be the protectors, the providers, and the hunters. At that time, there was no talking about feelings. Men had to suck it up, push them away, and move on. Women were taught to look after the home, the sick, and the children. In other words, women look after the “soft” side of life, and men are expected to embrace the “hard” side of life: war and death. Nowadays, most women have a career. They are independent. They can be the provider and the supporter of their own little family. Meanwhile, men haven’t caught on to these changes yet. Nobody gave them a crash course on how to deal with emotions. When men get overrun by emotions, they tend to use a coping mechanism that is not always flattering and easily misunderstood by women, and in the end, it just makes them look like a jerk. RELATED: 4 Reasons To Marry An Emotionally Complex Man (As Written By One) In this day and age, it is all about how men have to understand women, show compassion, be tender, attentive, and become the harlequin romance hero on one hand and on the other hand, they haven’t learned how the express their emotions. There is no talk or thought about how your partner shows signs of being in emotional turmoil. You only see that he’s a jerk who doesn’t understand you.
To help bring you and your partner on the same page, here are 7 behavioral characteristics that make men seem like jerks when they’re trying to hide their emotional stress.
1. He parties hard.
It sounds very classic. When going through a breakup, the guy starts drinking and partying. Often, this is seen as “I don’t give a s***,” “I’m glad that I got rid of her,” and “Let’s move on to the next lady.” But it can also mean, “I miss my partner terribly and I don’t know what to do with myself and a party is one way of taking my mind off my breakup.”
2. He comes across as rude and angry.
Don’t tell the guys this, but when a guy feels cornered, they act like a cat in distress. They lash out with everything they got, and language is the first thing they use, combined with the body language they know that will piss the partner off.
3. He engages in reckless activities.
Some of the guys will engage in activities that give them an adrenaline rush, something you see on “Outrageous Acts Of Science.” Something that makes most women go “Really? That’s stupid.” But it is their way of showing off their manhood. RELATED: 4 Brilliantly Subtle Ways To Bring Him Emotionally Closer To You
4. He’s overconfident.
Then you have a group who will show off their confidence by what I like to call “the rooster” behavior. They walk around as if they own the world, and hide their insecurities behind a mask of “I know it all.” If you start questioning their knowledge, they get defensive and can fall back on another coping skill like getting rude and angry.
5. He makes inappropriate jokes.
Humor is a great stress reliever, but you have to know your audience when you engage in humor. Men dealing with inner pain often have no filter. The language they use can be rude and offensive to certain people.
6. He exhibits out-of-character ill manners.
Everybody has habits that even you’re not aware of. So when your man acts out of character, you have to ask yourself, “Why? Is he contemplating a problem? Is he mad or disappointed? Did something happen that threw him off kilter?” If so, you can see it in their mesmerisms that they are unbalanced.
7. He completely shuts down.
Non-communicative men do their own thing without acknowledging your feeling or wishes. In other words, they shut you out and don’t seem to care how that hurts you. Yes, the coping mechanisms the guys use are not easy to deal with. As a woman, I get that, but if you want a successful relationship, you better start figuring out the coping method your guy uses. This will save you grief, frustration, and miscommunication that can lead to a breakup, and in turn, it will give you a relationship that built on understanding, compassion, and equality. Communication is a two-way street. RELATED: How Men Deal With Emotional Pain (And How They Can Handle Their Feelings Better) Ellen Nyland is a transition coach who helps individuals and families navigate life’s big and small forks in the road. She’s author of the book “Life is Great Even When it Sucks.”
