You’ve probably wondered about something like this at one point or another in your current or past relationship, and you may still be unclear as to whether he ever thought about these things too. After all, it can be hard for women to understand how men work when it comes love and dating. And if you’re at all like me, you’ve probably wondered what makes a man fall in love. Do they fall for the same reasons women do? There’s a common misconception (kinda) that guys only care about “one thing,” and that they aren’t as interested in long-term, serious, committed relationships as we are. Clearly that “one thing” is great, but yes, there are plenty of men out there who are seriously interested in forming the deep bonds that true love provides. RELATED: How To Make A Guy Fall In Love With You As women, we have our own so-called “green flags” when it comes to recognizing a guy we could seriously fall for. What’s a “green flag”? It’s the expect opposite of a red flag, silly! It’s a something a guy says or does that rings your inner bell. alerting you to the fact that, believe it or not, you’ve finally found a keeper! And let’s be honest. Just because you’ve been lusting after someone and hanging out with him has been fun and all, that doesn’t mean there isn’t still a chance he’ll do something rude or hurtful or creepy that will make you realize it’s time to move on and get the search for true love back on the road. In my case, I knew my boyfriend was the one for me when he kept insisting on spending time around me. I know that might sound odd to some people. After all, your partner should obviously want to spend time with you. But I was coming off of a series of relationships in which trying to spend time with the men I was dating was like pulling teeth. My now-boyfriend’s enthusiasm for being in my presence so we could really get to know each other (and not just do that “one thing”) clued me in to the fact that this guy could, in fact, be the real deal. Here’s a little secret for you: men look for “green flags” when they’re trying to figure out what exactly they’re feeling too! And one curious “redditor” even took to the AskMen subreddit to see what men had to say about it. What they had to say was sweet, funny, and super reassuring. I hope this information will warm your heart as much as it did mine, as well as reassure you that not every man out there is one giant trash fire.
If you’re wondering what makes a man fall in love and how they know when they’ve met the one, here are 27 things men say women did that made them fall hard.
1. Asking questions to get to know him.
“When I started getting asked questions about myself or my opinions, I started getting excited.”
2. Calling him out on his baloney.
“Calls you on your BS. Admits to mistakes. Can laugh at herself. Tells you plainly things she thinks you need to know even though they may not paint her in the best light. Gives and expects a healthy amount of space early on.”
3. Introducing him to her amazing family.
“I was introduced to my wife by her brother. How many brothers would do that? Even before I dated her, I thought her family was great and usually that’s a good sign.”
4. Focusing on the small things.
“When my wife and I started dating, I was working night shift. She was one of the only people who was understanding of my odd sleep schedule, she would do little things like buy me new earplugs so I could sleep better and invite me over to her place for ‘breakfast’ in the afternoon after I woke up.”
5. Being great company.
“We had been dating a little more than a month, and I had more than two weeks off for Christmas vacation, and I was going home to see my family. My mother jokingly invited my new girlfriend. I told her, and she said yes. We drove 9 hours to my home, spent 10 days there, then drove to the other end of the state where we spent New Years with my friends. When we finally got back to my place after about 10 hours of driving, I asked her if she wanted to go rent a movie and get a pizza, and she said yes. So, after spending 24/7 together for almost 3 weeks, we still enjoyed each other’s company. I think we both knew at that point we were good for each other. We’ve been married 11 years with two children.”
6. Treating other people well.
“Very early green flag is how she treated other people. I’m a stickler about the (sort of cliche) of being able to tell a lot about a person with how they treat someone that can do nothing for them.”
7. Knowing how to compromise.
“Her willingness to compromise over things (and of course, our relationship depends on me doing the same). There are things that I believe we each will not, and should not compromise on, and those may not be the same for each of us. I would never want her to compromise on something that goes against who she is.”
8. Accepting him as he is.
“She allowed me to be exactly who I was. No nagging, pestering or whining about what ‘I should be’, she simply enjoyed being with the person ‘I was’. There was no question about me needing alone time or time with my friends, she also craved a little time apart. Which meant she didn’t grill me about where I was going, who else was going to be there and demand that I check in by phone every hour or so. I know guys that put up with more monitoring by their girls than their parents ever did. I couldn’t be with someone who thought they owned me. And I treat her the same way. I could not wish for a better, more stable, more loving, more wonderful spouse.”
9. Knowing the right way to help.
“She dealt really well with disagreements and tiffs — she never pouted or held grudges, didn’t run off to mine sympathy from her friends (or worse, an orbiter) and didn’t weaponize things I’d said for later wheedling. We didn’t even argue much, she could just handle standing up for her own interests maturely and without drama. She did and still does find her own space, cool off and then talk about it calmly. I guess I do the same, so we work well in the regard, we try to actually listen to each other.”
10. Touching him without asking.
“Voluntary neck rubs/back rubs! Been in far too many relationships where they are treated as a his turn/her turn kind of deal. My current SO will come out of nowhere and start rubbing my shoulders if I look stressed or rub my neck on long drives.” RELATED: 5 Big Things To Remember About The Differences Between Men and Women
11. Being excited to try new things.
“If your partner is up for trying anything, then you got a winner. I’m not even talking about liking things, but at least willing to try new things. If every date is a constant battle of trying to figure out what to do, what eat, what to see, etc… then it’s going to be a pain in the ass later. If he or she is open to new things, then you both can learn and explore together. Also, that goes both ways, my fellow dudes!”
12. Knowing what she wants.
“She told me exactly what she expected out of a relationship and life partner. Things she wouldn’t budge on. Basically she told me what she wanted and that she didn’t have time to fuck around and play games. She’s also brutally honest, but very understanding at the same time. Gives me plenty of space when I want it, but also lets me know the things that she needs and when she needs them. Essentially… There’s no guessing games in my relationship and we’re very honest.”
13. Knowing her worth.
“Strong sense of Independence and confidence. Most girls I’d dated started showing a lot of dependency issues after a few months, and that always went poorly.”
14. Making him laugh.
“My wife makes me laugh every day with her antics. finding a woman who doesn’t mind looking crazy for a joke is the best thing ever.”
15. Owning up to her mistakes.
“When you bring something up that she’s done that’s upset you and instead of her getting angry, she admits that she was wrong and apologizes. When couples have arguments it shouldn’t be a contest to prove who is right and who is wrong. It should be a conversation to solve the issue at hand. A lot of people just don’t want to be proven wrong or be made to feel like the bad one. But honestly, just admit when you’re wrong and apologize and things will get better a lot quicker and easier than having pointless shouting matches which create resentment for years to come.”
16. Being kind.
“(Married 5 years now) We were dating for a few months and went on a road trip together. We stopped and got the usual snacks and got back on the road. I asked her to hand me my Mt dew, it was still in the bag. She got it out and opened it for me and gave it to me to drink. I was taken aback, because such a small thing was actually one of the nicest things a girlfriend had ever done for me.”
17. Not stressing him out.
“I never felt stressed out, there was no drama, there was no questioning whether I said the right thing or not, if I was going to get a text back or not, if I was going to get ghosted. Never felt pressured, always felt like I was being listened to and respected and understood. Appreciated and enjoyed spending time with me regardless of what we were doing. Comfortable being ourselves around each other.”
18. Explaining herself clearly.
“She clearly explains expectations/need/wants and doesn’t spring some surprise attitude on you because she didn’t tell you that she wanted you to stay home instead of go out, or that she expected you to cook when you got home from work before she did, etc… Unspoken expectations are unfair and if a girl has a bad habit of not communicating what she’d like from you then, get out if you can. A relationship demands that you respect each other’s agency as individuals and that you will talk about what you would like from the other person. No mind reading, no ‘you should just know what I think about x’, just respect and communication.”
19. Feeling comfortable eating in front of him.
“I think the first time I saw my wife order food I was pretty much down to clown. She got… chili cheese fries and a double cheeseburger. We’re both overweight now, but happy. And we’re working on losing the weight. That’s really more of a 2018 thing at this point though.”
20. Bringing him joy.
“She fills every room with sunshine.” RELATED: 6 Ways Men Deal With Emotions Way, Way, Way Differently Than Women
21. Having his back.
“I met a girl when I was 21 and 4 months later I married her. That will be 23 years ago on the 25th of this month. I just trusted her. I can’t really explain it, but I knew she’d always have my back, no matter what. It turned out I was right.”
22. Being cool with doing nothing together.
“Probably the biggest was after we moved in together, I can sit on the computer for 4 hours while she watches TV and we occasionally say something to each other. And that’s fine.”
23. Initiating intimacy.
“Initiating occasionally. Many women seem to only want to wait for men to initiate but get annoyed when they always initiate … A woman who initiates herself occasionally can avoid all that.”
24. Making his life easier, and letting him return the favor.
“Once we both had a schedule, she did things that would facilitate it, it shows a lot of empathy. For example, I play a lot of hockey, she makes sure that my jersey is prioritized in the wash pile. Which made me help her get organized too, I make sure her water bottles for her smoothies and the blender attachments are always clean for when she wakes up on the days that she goes to the gym. It’s very little things, but it’s the first time I had someone care for me in that way, and made me want to care for her in that way too.”
25. Subtly making sure he knows she wants him around.
“She looked up my bus options and schedules ahead of time to (a) make sure I didn’t miss it, and (b) keep me around as long as possible.”
26. Being a solid kind of human.
“She wasn’t a good woman, but a good person.”
27. Making everything about his life better.
“I have found that for all there are many good signs in a relationship, it all boils down to one key point — I am happier with her than I am when i am alone. I still have my important alone time but overall she just raises my base happiness level significantly. We have both supported each other through periods of depression and are still in a ‘honeymoon phase’ 5 years in.” RELATED: 3 Reasons To Stop Chasing The Guy Who Doesn’t Want You Rebecca Jane Stokes is a humor and lifestyle writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.
